The air was crisp and the grass underfoot damp.
Beads of sweat dripped from her guernsey as her hands tremored with nerves.
Sarah Ryan looked up and met the eyes of all her teammates linked arm in arm.
The silence was deafening.
It was time. She cleared her throat and began to speak.
You could be forgiven for thinking this was a Grand Final pre-match speech.
But it wasn’t. It was Sarah opening up about her past struggles.
“I found myself standing up in front of 80 people before training sharing my story,” Sarah said.
“It was insane. I couldn’t believe at that moment they now knew this about me.”
“The moment when I knew that it was having an impact on everyone was when every member in the circle was dead silent.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever heard that before.”
More important that any game plan or motivational pep-talk, Sarah instead stirringly shared her past feelings of isolation, vulnerability, and pain.
It was rugby that provided her silver lining.
“I just said that rugby gave me a place, that I didn’t really have before,” Sarah explained.
“I was going through a very hard time about five years ago.”
“I lost a friend to suicide. I was feeling really isolated before I found rugby.”
“Having rugby to fall back to has given me something to go forward with in my life.”
“The schedule gave me a place to be that I had to show up every week. It really brought me out of my shell and helped me get through some tough times.”
“I honestly don’t know if I would’ve gotten through it, if it hadn’t been for rugby.”
“It really helped me through a hard time.”
Raised in the sleepy town of Jindabyne, perched in the snowy mountains of New South Wales, Sarah grew up with military parents.
At 16 years of age, Sarah was at her lowest point and felt completely lost in the world.
“I was pulling away from people and I didn’t feel worthy of having people that cared for me,” Sarah reflected.
“Then one of my teachers saw me alone and said, ‘you should go try out for the girl’s rugby team this year.’”
“I’d never played rugby before, but my dad supports Brumbies, so I went down to training and gave it a go. After training my coach gave me a piece of paper and said ‘get your parents to sign this by this weekend. Here is your shorts and socks. You’re playing in our first game.’”
“That’s really what did it.”
“I didn’t have a choice; these people were going to be in my life whether I wanted them or not. It meant they obviously wanted me.”
“I found a group of people who didn't mind that I wasn't fast or agile or even knew how to play. They accepted me for who I was and were incredibly patient with me.”
“That’s the moment that it all really changed.”
However, just as she had shrugged off an opponent on the field, Sarah found another defender blocking her way off-field.
A move to Melbourne, to commence a degree in Agriculture at Melbourne University, brought about her next challenge.
“I had a really hard time when I came to Melbourne,” she said.
“It was really stressful as I didn’t know any people here.”
Sarah steadfastly believes that it was her very first decision she made in her new city (before even finding an apartment to live in) that changed her life.
“In O’Week (orientation week) I literally only came in to sign up for the Melbourne University Rugby Team,” Sarah said.
“People had told me that you’ll always find a community in rugby.”
“From the very start, the girls at Melbourne Uni were just amazing. The club was amazing.”
Fast forward to 2021 and Sarah yet again faced more opponents.
“This year I didn’t want to play.”
“I had just come from a year off from covid and I was in my head thinking about all my injuries. I was thinking when I get out on the field, I’m going re-do my meniscus or tear my MCL.”
“But the players and coaches never let me call it.”
“They didn’t accept no for an answer.”
Central to providing her safe space was the “always positive” Annie Buntine and Samantha Homewood who “patiently taught her the technique of 15s format.”
But it was her relationship with Melbourne University Women's Head Coach Ryan Cox, who gives her a lift home from every training session, that she holds dearest.
“Sarah’s impact on the group is infectious,” Cox said.
“She gets along with everyone and is easy to talk to. She radiates positivity and her teammates are very dear to her.”
“It was a big thing for her to stand up in front of 80 people to talk about it. Once she spoke about it, everyone took it on board with amazing enthusiasm.”
“Everyone is behind her, not just her fellow teammates but the whole rugby club.”
This Saturday Sarah’s teammates will be shaving her head, as part of her fundraiser for Headspace that has raised over $5000.
Headspace is an “amazing organisation which caters for all aspects of both mental health and overall wellbeing for young people and have aided many people including myself.”
The event will take place in front of the entire Melbourne University Rugby Club, in the rare occasion that both Colts, Men’s and Women’s teams will play at home.
Thrust into the position of tight-head and playing every match this season, Sarah has quickly become a crucial player in her side’s “make or break” clash against the top of the table Power House this weekend.
She believes that now is perfect time to raise money for a cause very close to heart.
“It’s not just the sport. It’s the community.”
“Playing the sport is great and I love it. But the people that are there for you make it.”
With the goal line in sight, Sarah has told her story and is now free to enjoy her match-winning moment.
“I’m really excited for it, I actually really love having short hair,” Sarah concluded.
“I never thought I’d have the confidence or courage to share my story. I’m hoping that if people can see that I’ve shared mine then they can share theirs too.”
“I want people to get help if they need it and realise people are there for them like they are for me.”
Donate to Sarah's Fundraiser here
Visit Headspace here
